I CAN CARRY YOU BUT NOT YOUR GHOSTS | MAKEUPANDTHECITY

what’s up makeupandthecity, I’m so sorry I’ve been, well – what seems as a long time and I won’t let it happen again!

“Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I’ve tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great And would suffice.”

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Ok – so it’s been a little bit so where do I touch down first, I’m going to leave some things out that just are not that important or really, somethings take time more or less. I’ve said this to many time by now so it’s silly to say it past this, I love recklessly and fully and I cannot help, I wouldn’t ever try to act as if I understand something that I don’t and I’ve had two things lately happen that I thought I understood in two different situations sadly, and one I had no idea that you could rip a $20.00 and use each half for $10.00 and secondly I don’t know love as well as I thought I did, I though at my age this would be different, I’ve always been cold, I guess you could say – choosing to not care and when its done its done, what happens when you see the mistakes that were made? what happens when you never meant to hurt the person you love? what happen when you have so much to say – still.

It does help to be with someone who just wants me there when its most comfortable for him, and when we do see each other I am see-through.  The thing is that sure, we might just be one person on this massive planet but we are all worth it, and it takes the smallest show of love to change someone’s day, maybe even their week! Love is powerful, and you’ll all see I’m right – make sure that if you have something more to say, then say it, if you can’t walk away, there is a reason.

Time won’t stop pushing up forward – or we feel like we are in a constant state of free-fall, I made someone a promise that I would be there to catch him if he needed it. It really sucks the way we all are now a days, the childish games, being lethargic, knowing with one word you can destroy me and with saying the words I needed to hear I would be yours forever. I am on my knees for you, arms cross and head down.

used to fill my life with people who were weak or hurting and who needed someone to fill that void – I would hurt and use people to get to where I wanted to be in life. I was a monster. But I’ve learned from my past and my life is now filled with strong, amazing and loving people – people I would bet any amount of money on that when I fall I will have them there to catch me, strip me naked with your words, hate and opinions about whatever you want – keep talking, keep checking my blog, keep trying to bring me down and all you’re doing is becoming the person that you hated so much to begin with. When you talk about me, more people know my name. When you keep checking and borderline stalking me and what I’m doing, it’s more views for me. Every nightmare needs influence so I’m asking you and everyone who use the voice that you have to try to hurt or bring anyone down? Why give in to hate when it’s so much easier to give in to love and see that mistakes are made and like I said I’m not looking for anyone’s forgiveness because I don’t need it – I have the most amazing life, I have been so blessed from the highest high to the lowest low, in heartbreak came makeupandthecity, I learned to channel my heartbreak, sadness and anger to creating something that over time became something more then I could ever ask for a given me so many opportunities, if I even had the amount of time to focus on your life or stalk what you’re doing with it, whoa the free time you must have – for anyone who has made it this far, live your life for yourself and don’t allow hate to win, and remember that second chances are rare and we are all beautiful and unique and with our words and with our hate we cause a ripple effect that is clear to see. so I guess I’m asking you; why isn’t it clear to see for the love that we give? 

I will take responsibility for my action and the choices I’ve made in my life. Will you?

I really feel like I’ve know him forever like he was always meant to be in my life, we were meant to meet. Grow together. Touch. Make love. Explore the world and allow each other to make mistakes and grow from those mistakes. There is nothing unbecoming about this man, he’s so sensitive yet masculine. He’s gone through hard times with accepting who he is and I’m more then happy to show him the world and that being gay does not define you. It is not a label stitched into your skin. In a way I almost want to thank him for just always being there and being so understanding and for treating me as I treat him like a man. I’ve never loved anyone like this and it has to be put out there.

To him if he reads this : It’s going to sound like a total cliché I know but when we start talking it’s like there is no time, time stands still and there is only you and I. I think you knew you had me from the moment we first started talking truly that was the moment I knew you were going to take my heart. As time will push us forward as it always will, I will continue to fall in love, respect and be amazed by you. With out a doubt my life has been so much better with you in it,

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way.

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