I do understand the awesome feeling of being free. But I’m also going to be upfront: Going commando is one of those daring ideas that sound good only in theory. In fact, it’s a recipe for ruining your clothes, burdening you with excess perspiration, and causing you embarrassment.
Before going commando, i urge you to give it some serious thought – in fact, I’ve given it some thought for you.
Heed my warnings. I can tell you that this is not going to end well.
These are just some conditions brought on by going commando:
Chaffing. Your pants or trousers are not going to be kind to your skin – they’re not designed to be kind. That means chaffing, which is painful skin irritation. Chaffing is a tough mother which makes its presence known long after you stop moving your legs.
Sweat stains. Especially if you’re wearing lighter fabrics and colors (think khakis), going commando will increase the likelihood of sweat stains. There won’t be any underwear to absorb that funk. And it’s just going to look awful.
Bacteria. I hate to tell you that your privates are teeming with bacteria, which will transfer to your pants. And if you’re trying on new pants in a retail dressing room, we hope you’re not going commando and leaving those germs for the next customer.
Humidity. If you’re living or playing in a land of summer, the humidity is going to go straight to your crotch, bringing with it all of the above (chaffing, sweat stains and bacteria). All of that evil will transfer to your pants without a middleman (underwear) to absorb them.
Increased laundry. Most guys wear their pants a few times before finally throwing them into the washer. If you’re going commando, you’re going to have to reconfigure that schedule. Fabric that directly rubs up against your skin is going to get dirty and smelly. And if you’re going commando on pants that require dry cleaning, get ready to increase that monthly dry cleaning budget.
Cultural and societal rejection. The world sees going commando as one big nope.
Ditch the tight pants. If you like skinny jeans and you also like going commando, you’re going to risk getting that zipper stuck in your crotch, especially when attempting to sit down.
Don’t play sports. Think of your game without a jock or supportive underwear to keep your boys in place. It’s not going to tickle.
Examine your zipper. We all occasionally forget to close the ol’ porthole. If this happens to you while you’re going commando, we hope it’s seen by the right people and not the wrong people (your teacher, your boss, your minister).
Pee drops. You know from years after your toilet-training experience that when you finish urinating, you’re never really completely finished. A drop or two usually presents itself, post-event. Those little droplets will make themselves known in the crotch area of your pants, for a judging world to see (and judge).
Bowel leakage. Have we changed your mind on going commando yet? How about now? We hope it never happens to you, but sometimes shit happens.