I can see you, that’s how it all started in my head but where it ended in life I wasn’t ready for, so get ready to go on this rollercoaster with me and hold on tight – we might crash.
So they say you have to put yourself out there to find love also when you stop looking you will more then likely find love but as a gay man when am I never not looking..not even in the way you just took it either..get your mind out of the gutter. I know exactly what you’re saying to yourself at this moment in time if you express your life in the way that you do, and talk about sexual experiences or anything that isn’t fitting a certain, mold, that you start to loose followers and get less offers of companies wanting to work with you and to that I say, you can’t be a shark if you’re toothless. I have always talked about my personal experiences, and, labeled them accordingly so.
So going back to stopping looking for love, I have been very, very busy lately I haven’t had the time to order a coffee let alone a man – men come and go and I’m not looking for the next one or on to the next in any way I am looking (not looking) for him – and wouldn’t you know it.. I think I found him – I think this time its real. . I’m being smart about how I approach this relationship going from seeing eachother when we can and talking on the phone, FaceTime and just being chill and laughing together. It’s been a while now I just haven’t been overly posting about him or telling the world or my family including you, my followers – I just recently posted some photos of him laying in bed to instagram.
I mean come on, that smile it’s not even fair, I just drop to my knees and die when he laughs or looks into my eyes because it’s like I’m striped naked and can be seen for me, all the bruises and cuts from previous relationships seem to fade away and I no longer feel trapped in my own skin.
I really think I found someone who is truly worth it and who I can truly just be myself around and someone who loves me for me and I’m ok with that. He tells me that he has to keep himself busy so he doesn’t just lay in bed waiting to see or hear from me which again makes me just fall to my knees. Last night he actually was able to make me cry but I wasn’t sad I was happy, I’m happy and it’s been a long time coming. I see all of these couples who cheat and who are in ‘open‘ relationships and I am not knocking them or how they make their relationship work for them but I just do not understand it at all – My close friend is in an open relationship and I asked him how can you be ok knowing that there is another man (woman) is touching the person that you love and then comes home to you and you know what’s happen but you don’t say anything and he said to me it’s because at the end of the day you truly don’t want to loose this person that you have grown with and ultimately built a life with – but at the same time you’ve got to ask yourself when does compromise become compromising?
I love being with one man and him, knowing that I am, well his and only his and having only love and trust between us. It’s kinda funny because I’ve been hurt so many times in the past and I’m practically his first whatever I am at this point but going to become boyfriend – I hope.
I really feel like I’ve know him forever like he was always meant to be in my life, we were meant to meet. Grow together. Touch. Make love. Explore the world and allow eachother to make mistakes and grow from those mistakes. There is nothing unbecoming about this man, he’s so sensitive yet masculine. He’s gone through hard times with accepting who he is and I’m more then happy to show him the world and that being gay does not define you. It is not a label stitched into your skin. In a way I almost want to thank him for just always being there and being so understanding and for treating me as I treat him like a man.
To him if he reads this : It’s going to sound like a total cliche I know but when we start talking it’s like there is no time, time stands still and there is only you and I. I think you knew you had me from the moment we first started talking truely that was the moment I knew you were going to take my heart. As time will push us forward as it always will, I will continue to fall in love, respect and be amazed by you. With out a doubt my life has been so much better with you in it,
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way.